


In Which Sophie Teaches Howl To Clean

by bobblemonkey2



Category: Howl Series - Diana Wynne Jones, Howl no Ugoku Shiro | Howl's Moving Castle, Howl's Moving Castle - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Humor, One Shot, sophie and howl arguing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobblemonkey2/pseuds/bobblemonkey2
Summary: Now that Sophie is young again, she’s had enough of being treated like Howl’s housekeeper. They say if you give a man a goat, he will always have milk, but will the same apply when Sophie presents Howl with a cloth and cleaning spray?
Relationships: Sophie Hatter/Howl Pendragon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 96





	In Which Sophie Teaches Howl To Clean

**Author's Note:**

> Another quarrelsome one-shot. Takes place between the first and second book. Thanks for the kudos on my first post!
> 
> Disclaimer: all characters belong to Diana Wynne Jones.

‘That’s it!’ Sophie exclaimed angrily. What had caused her anger? A certain wizard’s dirty boots, which were currently on his feet resting on top of the freshly-cleaned dining table. Sophie stomped from the kitchen counter to the table, her anger transforming her normally light footsteps into loud plods sending reverberations through the castle. She grabbed Howl’s feet and pushed them off the table, tipping his chair over in a chain reaction causing the wizard to fall to the ground.

‘Ow! What was that for?’ Howl rubbed his head which had smacked against the wooden floor.

‘I’m sick of you treating this house like a pigsty and me like your personal slave! I just cleaned this table and you traipse down out of the bathroom only to fling your disgusting boots on top!’ Red hairs began to crowd Sophie’s face - she had shaken them loose of their ponytail in all her rage.

‘I’m sorry, cariad, I didn’t realise they were dirty,’ he propped his chair back up and made to get back to his breakfast.

‘You don’t get to slither out of this fight! It’s time you learnt to pick up after yourself - I’m your wife, not your mother!’ She regretted her words instantly as she guessed what was to come next. 

Howl shrank down in his chair, the legs of his trousers and sleeves of his arms draping limply by his side, his angular face turned plump and youthful. ‘I’m thorry, Thophie - I’m just a thilly little boy I don’t know how to do chorths.’ He giggled.

‘Change back you stupid, selfish, slithery-outery wizard! I’m serious, you need to learn how to clean!’ She shouted.

‘Or what?’ Child Howl smirked. There was nothing she could threaten him with.

‘Or... or...’, she trailed off before an idea came to her head. ‘Or I’ll make sure your hair is always ginger.’

Child Howl gasped - she would never be so cruel. ‘But you wike my blonde hair!’ He whined.

‘I care more about your cleaning skills than your stupid hair!’ She lied, she did like his hair blonde but she couldn’t give him the satisfaction now.

‘Fine!’ He changed back, his clothes slowly filling out again. ‘Teach me to clean, Mrs Nose.’

Howl may have been the best wizard in al of Ingary, but his knowledge of cleaning was truly lacklustre. Sophie spent half the morning just teaching him the difference between a polishing cloth and a feather duster, and then another hour or so explaining that a feather duster wasn’t called as such because it was for dusting feathers. When she brought out the mop and the broom there was even more confusion.

‘They look so similar yet they have wildly different jobs! What’s the point in that?’ He cried out in feigned anguish.

Eventually the time came for Howl to gain some practical experience. Sophie stared at the muddy mark that had now hardened on the table since breakfast. ‘Clean this up,’ she pointed.

Howl’s face scrunched in what appeared to be fear and confusion all at once - thoughts of the morning raced in his mind as he tried to remember the nearly identical pieces of cleaning equipment Sophie had presented to him. He had only been half listening, as he tried to drown out Sophie’s droning with daydreams of his last rugby match. Now these items were in front of him again, he only had to choose the right one. He made towards the feather duster but Sophie snatched it away.

‘No! This is for cobwebs and high ceilings. Weren’t you listening at all?’ She sighed.

‘I was, I just slipped there. Woops, silly me! Of course I know I’m supposed to use the...’ he trailed off as he looked at his remaining options, a sponge, a spray bottle and a cloth. Best of three. He chose the sponge.

‘Very good. But don’t you need something else?’ How many cleaning items did you need to clean up a tiny stain? He thought. Of course, he could have used magic and then he wouldn’t need to remember what duster was for where, but Sophie insisted that cleaning was character-building.

‘The bottle...?’ He answered unsurely.

‘Are you just guessing?’ Sophie crossed her arms. ‘This won’t work if you guess!’

Howl racked his brains. ‘No I know I need the bottle because....because I need to wet the stain to be able to remove it with the sponge!’ He said proudly.

‘Good.’ Sophie was obviously far less proud of her husband than he was of himself. It’s only a simple cleaning job, how could it take so much brainpower in the first place, she thought to herself. 

Taking sponge and spray in hand, Howl wiped the table till the brown stain had disappeared. ‘Yes!’ He shouted. ‘Can we stop now?’

It was already 2 o’clock and neither had eaten. Sophie was starved, though she liked the feeling of one-upping Howl too much to give in.

‘Nope. We haven’t even gotten onto the bathroom yet.’

The whole day seemed to pass in an instant as they forgot about lunch, Sophie too enveloped in explaining the various soaps and sprays one needed to clean the toilet, and Howl too busy trying to imagine he was on the rugby pitch again. After a few more hours of explanation, he seemed to get the hang of the intricacies of bathroom hygiene.

‘Alright, that’s enough. I’m starved.’ Sophie said. 

They made their way to the kitchen but, too tired to cook anything substantial, Sophie fetched bread and cheese from the pantry. If he wasn’t so exhausted from his cleaning lessons, Howl might have protested that after all his hard work he deserved a proper meal, but right now bread and cheese looked very appetising.

‘What a day!’ He sighed as he sliced the bread. ‘Thank god it’s over.’ He was just about to tuck into his dinner when Sophie began laughing. ‘What’s so funny?’ He said, nervous he had something on his face, or worse, in his lovely hair.

‘It’s just...’ she trailed off as she became more hysterical. ‘We’re doing this all again tomorrow!’


End file.
